This has always been a favorite pastime, just reflecting back and understanding myself. I tend to do that when things are not going my way or when I can't sleep.
Today I want to do this to understand my habit of pushing myself in a corner for things that I was not able to achieve for one reason or another. Some people call this
Impostor Syndrome, I believe that's too many syllables.
When I was in high school, I fell in love with programming as a craft like music, dance, painting etc. It became something I deeply cared about how I performed in it and wanted to be the best in it.
Tried so hard to learn everything all at once just to be the best, often got told by my teacher to take it easy and take into account the reality of process!. Today I carry the same baggage where I feel I haven't done enough.
I am not where I should have been because I didn't work, this is not good!
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
~ Sonny Hayes
Just watched F1 (The Movie) and this quote hit me like a truck. Maybe this is where I am ducking up — it is not about the speed of doing things, it is about being steady and staying till the last lap. The race will give you chances to win it and take home the trophy, but you gotta learn to stay in the race — that's all.
The idea that consistency beats intensity is something I've resisted for a long time. Somewhere deep down I thought sprinting through problems, building fast, proving myself fast, that’s how I'd earn my place. But that place doesn’t exist. There’s no finish line with applause waiting. There's just the track and your willingness to keep going turning laps.
It's not about being the fastest to ship or the youngest to know everthing. It's about staying curious, staying sane, and staying in motion.
A little slower, maybe. But a lot steadier.
What I'm learning — slowly — is that the process takes time. Things happen when they're meant to, not just when you want them to. You just have to stay in touch with that and keep moving. That’s it.
So I'll take this moment to breathe, recalibrate, and remind myself: I'm not behind. I'm in the middle of the race.
And I'm still going.
Hope this helped you, yeah?
Sarthak